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CONFESSIONS OF A MODELMAKER ! - Scratchbuilding. - More Practical Help - Your Model Railway Club
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 Posted: Sun Jun 2nd, 2013 12:45 pm
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allan downes
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 THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING PANNIER.

I was once asked if I would visit this certain gentlemans layout to discuss further developement - an 0 guage epic of vast proportions - and so I did.

"Ah, Mr Downes I presume, the wife's out, she'll make you a coffee or whatever when she comes back, if you're dry there's always water, the layout's this way"

" This Guy "I thought "Is going to be hard work" so I braced myself for the worst and was taken aback by the largest GWR offering that I had ever seen - and all handbuilt locomotives and stock to boot, amazing.

Anyway, after a very arid hour of drooling, his wife returned and poured a cup of coffee down my parched throat as he ran a magnificent pannier tank past and into a tunnel where he stopped it "Are you going to leave it in there ? " I enquired " That'll be OK in there, now could you build me a station, I have the plans in my office  ?" at which point he disappeared to get said plans then on his return said -

"Well this is it and, of course, I expect you to deduct the price of the coffee off your bill , Oh, and what have you done with my pannier tank, it was  right here when I left, you wouldn't have it in your pocket by any chance would you ? " !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Well not unless it backed itself out of that tunnel and leapt off the track and right into my pocket, as Pannier's have been know to do, one of their design faults  I'm affraid " then added before I left - "Suddenly I have lost all interest in your layout, your pannier and any more of your wifes coffee, so good day and I can find my own way out " then just as I got to my car he shouted -

" I shall get my secretary to bill you for the coffee then! " !!!!!!!!!!!

 

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 Posted: Sun Jun 2nd, 2013 02:49 pm
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allan downes
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HOMELESS IN St HELENS.

Having been booked to do a demo stand at a school somewhere near St Helens, I stuffed all my boxes in the back of the car, changed my shirt and off I went - brilliant, straight to the venue, didn't get lost once.

However, when I arrived the caretaker said " Well, it's not till next wekend, but you can wait in my office if you like" !!!!! 

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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2013 06:23 am
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ddolfelin
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:lol:



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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2013 09:41 am
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Gary
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That certain 'gentleman' was not the 'Mr Pete Waterman' by any coincidence...??

Cheers, Gary.



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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2013 10:17 am
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allan downes
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Gary wrote: That certain 'gentleman' was not the 'Mr Pete Waterman' by any coincidence...??

Cheers, Gary.

No, but I did meet him in view of doing some work, but that's all I'm saying ! 

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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2013 10:58 am
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allan downes
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SPAGHETTI WITH THE STARS.

This was way back in '75 having lunch in an Italian restaurant in Victoria where the owner sat me at the same table as Peter O'Toole and several other silver screen hero's when the conversation got around to who drove what.

"Oh yes, picked her up only just yesterday , Ferrari Testarrosa you know, how about you 'Elvis' ? "

"Ah well, I'm sticking with the old Bentley for now, well untill the new model comes out that is, and you Tooley old boy ? "

"You know me best mate of Alfred H, an Aston man, on my fith right now, some beast I can tell you old chap "

Then after having chucked their wealth in my face and at each other and thinking that I was a chancer ( which I was ! ) they thought they'd have some fun at my expense and shoot me down.

"And what do you drive... er, Allan isn't it ? " asked the next James Bond with a smirk that exposed enough gold teeth to float  Fort Knox.

So sensing where this was all going I saved them the pleasure and pulled the trigger myself with-

"Ah well gentlemen, I drive a Jag - BUT, not any old Jag you understand oh no, this is a one off. Every time I go over a bump, the exhaust falls off - and this is why my Jag is such a one off - because as you hit the next bump, it falls back on, and even more amazing still , both front wings flap independantly of the back bumper and in opposite directions to the front one whether you hit a bump or not ! " 

And after which, and several brandy's that turned into even more several brandy's, we all swayed up Elizabeth Street arm in arm singing "Auld Lang Syne"

Or it could have been " I'm forever blowing bubbles "....

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 Posted: Mon Jun 3rd, 2013 12:35 pm
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Gary
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allan downes wrote: Gary wrote: That certain 'gentleman' was not the 'Mr Pete Waterman' by any coincidence...??

Cheers, Gary.

No, but I did meet him in view of doing some work, but that's all I'm saying ! 


Did you decide that you weren't doing some work for him, after coffee...?? ;-);-) 

Oopps. Sorry, that's all your saying... :lol::lol:

Cheers, Gary.



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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2013 12:29 pm
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allan downes
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ANGELS WITHOUT WINGS.

This four foot nothing sample I met at the St Helen's show, terrific little show, terrific bunch of Guys, when I was having trouble with a certain old Triang Jinty that refused to budge ( did you ever seen one that did ?!) and as I was poking it to give it a bump start a voice loaded with innocence enquired  "Why are you poking that train Mister" - " Because" I addressed two perfect orbs of blue encased within a framework of golden curls " It won't start on it's own, it never does " to which she replied " I think it's because you're old, because my granddad is old too and nothing starts for him "

So now totaly captured by this display of perfect unscripted logic I enquiered " Has your granddad got a model railway as well then ?" - " Oh no " replied four foot of unpracticed perfection in innocence " He hasn't got any trains, it's his lawnmower that won't start you see. " !!   

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 Posted: Wed Jun 5th, 2013 02:30 pm
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allan downes wrote:......... a certain old Triang Jinty that refused to budge ( did you ever seen one that did ?!)..... 

when I was in the Air Training Corps, a couple of us cadets thought it would be fun to build a model of the Malmesbury branch line, and one of the Civilian Instructors was changing from 00 to N gauge, so he donated a small collection of 00 gauge items and one of the items was a old Triang Jinty, which ran like a dream, and made little puffs of smoke, but I was 15/16 at the time so I guess I was young enough for it to work :mutley



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 Posted: Fri Jun 7th, 2013 07:22 pm
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allan downes
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Off te bonny Scotland tomorrow for a week guys, so I shan't be checking out my Emils 'till I get back - no computers, lap tops, no mobiles, just me an' the missus and loads of tinned soup !

So more tales of woe and wandering Nan Nan's when I get back.

Bye for now.

Allan.

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 Posted: Fri Jun 7th, 2013 09:10 pm
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amdaley
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Enjoy your break & don't forget to bring back a few sticks of OO gauge rock with you.



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 Posted: Fri Jun 7th, 2013 09:25 pm
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allan downes
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When I get back Tom, remind me to tell you about a dry stone wall, a tractor and a police car in Cumbria.

A classic !

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 Posted: Sat Jun 8th, 2013 06:20 pm
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jim s-w
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Can I ask, why is this topic sticky?



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2014 05:14 pm
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:)Just found this treasure of a thread.

Lovely read. Thanks Allan.

regards,

Derek.

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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2014 06:42 pm
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60019Bittern
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Really great stories Allan. Keep them coming.



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2014 06:59 pm
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I just discovered this treasure trove of lore.  Hilarious!  :HappyThanks for sharing Allan.

John



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2014 09:01 pm
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allan downes
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Thank you gentlemen, but don't believe a word of it, it's lies, lies, all lies !!!!!!!!!!

Later I'll see if I can revive it, must be more than that that happened over 40 years of exhibition circuits, magazines and editors, bless  their cotton socks !

We had words at times but I have to admit that without them, and the risks they took at times in running with some of the rubbish that I wrote , I would have got nowhere.

So a big, big thank you to all the editors out there and I'll be back !!

Cheers.

Allan.

 

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